The Dudela Podcast | First Time Dad Help and Fatherhood Real Talk

The Emotional Side of Fatherhood Nobody Talks About

The Emotional Side of Fatherhood Nobody Talks About
Everyone talks about the baby's emotions.
Everyone talks about mom's emotions.
Almost nobody talks about dad's.
At Dudela, we believe one of the most important jobs of a father is becoming emotionally steady. Not emotionless. Not perfect. Steady.
In this episode of The Dudela Podcast, John and Michael dive into one of the most overlooked parts of fatherhood: your emotional health.
Whether you're expecting your first baby, navigating pregnancy with your partner, or already in the thick of diapers, sleep deprivation, toddler meltdowns, and family responsibilities, this conversation is for you.
The reality is that fatherhood can be emotionally exhausting. You're carrying work stress, financial pressure, relationship dynamics, family responsibilities, and the weight of wanting to be a great dad. Most guys respond the same way. They bottle it up. They push through. They tell themselves they'll deal with it later.
But eventually, later shows up.
In this episode, we unpack what it means to become a steady dad emotionally. Not a perfect dad. Not a dad who never struggles. A dad who understands what he's feeling, processes it in healthy ways, and shows up for his family with consistency instead of chaos.
We share practical tools from the Dudela Prep Kit, including the Brain Dump exercise and the One Word Check In. We talk about finding safe places to process emotions, building friendships that can handle real conversations, and why getting your emotions out of your head and into the open changes everything.
Most importantly, we talk about giving yourself grace. Fatherhood is hard because you care. The fact that you're thinking about these things means you're already doing more than most.
🍼 In This Episode
• Why fatherhood is an emotional rollercoaster before and after baby arrives
• What it means to be a steady dad emotionally
• Why dads tend to bottle up emotions instead of processing them
• Finding healthy outlets before bringing stress home
• The power of friendship and honest conversations between dads
• How exercise, movement, and getting outside help regulate emotions
• The Brain Dump exercise and why it clears mental clutter
• The One Word Check In and how it reveals emotional patterns over time
• Why emotional awareness creates a calmer home environment
• Giving yourself grace during difficult seasons of fatherhood
• What to do when you feel isolated, overwhelmed, or stuck
 
🎯 If You've Ever Searched
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This episode is for you.
 
🧡 Resources Mentioned
• Free Dad Prep Guidehttps://www.thedudelaco.com/guide
• Dudela Prep Kithttps://dudelaco.gumroad.com/l/dudela-prep-kit
Our complete fatherhood preparation framework featuring the Brain Dump exercise, One Word Check In, and practical tools for navigating pregnancy, birth, and the first year of fatherhood.
• Ask DudelaNeed advice, have a question, or just need to vent? Leave us a voicemail directly on our website and we'll do our best to respond.
• Follow Along
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💪 Your Challenge This Week
Try a Brain Dump.
Set a timer for five minutes and write down everything taking up space in your head.
Work stress. Financial stress. Relationship stress. Home projects. Random to dos. Everything.
 
Then ask yourself:
What actually deserves my attention today?
What can wait?
What am I carrying that I don't need to carry anymore?
 
You might be surprised how much lighter you feel.

Why We Started Dudela (And What's Next for New Dads)

Most parenting resources focus on moms.
Most dads are told to just figure it out.
That's exactly why Dudela exists.
In this special rewind episode, John and Michael look back at where Dudela started, how two first time dads found themselves navigating emergency C sections, NICU stays, difficult pregnancies, sleepless nights, and the overwhelming transition into fatherhood, and why they felt called to build something specifically for dads.
What started as a joke on a family vacation became a podcast, a community, and now a growing collection of resources designed to help dads show up with more confidence during one of the biggest transitions of their lives.
John shares the story of bringing premature twin girls into the world after a high risk pregnancy, months of uncertainty, and a month long NICU stay. Michael opens up about an emergency C section that completely changed the birth plan in a matter of minutes. Together, they reflect on what they learned, what surprised them, and what they wish every expecting dad knew before stepping into the delivery room.
But this episode is not just about looking back.
It's about where Dudela is headed next.
We introduce the Dudela Prep Kit, a practical guide built from everything we've learned through our own experiences, conversations with experts, and questions from hundreds of dads. We also share our vision for the future of Dudela, including workshops, community support, resources for new fathers, and creating a place where dads can ask honest questions without feeling judged.
Whether you're expecting your first baby, preparing for delivery day, surviving the newborn stage, or simply trying to become the dad you want to be, this episode is for you.
Here's what we cover:
• The unexpected story behind the name Dudela• What becoming a dad actually felt like for both of us• Emergency C sections, NICU stays, and the moments that changed everything• Why most dads feel unprepared for pregnancy and birth• The mindset shift from spectator to active partner• The value of having other dads in your corner• Lessons learned from 22 episodes and conversations with incredible guests• The biggest questions expecting dads ask us• A behind the scenes look at the new Dudela Prep Kit• What's next for the Dudela community and how we're planning to help more dads
If you've ever searched:
new dad advice, first time father tips, how to prepare for a baby as a dad, what dads should know before birth, NICU dad experience, emergency C section support, pregnancy resources for dads, fatherhood podcast, new parent preparation, dad community, expecting father checklist, newborn survival guide for dads, fatherhood support group, how to support your wife during pregnancy, becoming a dad for the first time
This episode is for you.
Resources Mentioned:
• The Dudela Prep Kit• Free Dad Prep Guide• The Spit Up Society Dad Community
Homework:
If you're expecting, ask yourself this question: "What kind of dad do I want my child to remember?"
Write down three words. Keep them somewhere visible. Start becoming that dad today.
If you know a guy who's expecting a baby, send him this episode.
And if Dudela has helped you in any way, share the podcast with another dad. That's how this community grows.
Ready to feel more prepared for fatherhood?
Grab the free Dad Prep Guide and check out the Dudela Prep Kit at thedudelaco.com.

Family Matters: Designing Your Family on Purpose Part 1

You do not get to pick the family you are born into. But you do get to build the family you lead.
In part one of our Family Matters series, John and Michael talk about the me to we shift that happens when you go from single guy to husband to dad. Your priorities change fast. Time gets tighter. Opinions multiply. And if you do not define your family values, routines, and traditions, something else will.
This episode is a practical starter kit for designing your family on purpose. We talk dinner table culture, small traditions that your kids will remember forever, and the conversations you need to have with your spouse before outside expectations start steering your home. We also unpack how different family backgrounds collide once you get married, especially around holidays and extended family. One spouse may be used to big loud gatherings, the other may be used to quiet holidays with just a few people. Neither is wrong, but you have to talk about it before it becomes tension.
You will hear simple ideas you can start this week like highs and lows at the table, pancakes and Disney mornings, Sunday snuggles, and an outdoor goal that gets everyone moving. We also give you one of the best questions a dad can ask when he feels unsure. What do you want your kids to say about your home when they are grown. Because you are writing that story right now.
Here is what we cover
The me to we shift and why your priorities change immediately
How to decide what kind of family you want to be, not just what kind of dad
Dinner table culture and why consistency beats perfection
Simple routines that kids thrive on, even as toddlers
Easy conversation starters for kids, highs and lows, giggle and wiggle, and more
How to talk with your wife about values before you announce them to the world
Big family holidays versus quiet holidays and finding middle ground
Traditions you loved growing up and traditions you are ready to leave behind
The outside goal, one thousand hours outdoors and why it shapes your week
The question that changes everything, what do you want your kids to say about you
Values you can design around church, activity, nutrition, and technology boundaries
A simple way to audit your family culture, look at your bank statement and calendar
If you have ever searchedhow to build a strong family culturehow to create family traditionsfamily values for new parentshow to lead your family as a dadmarriage after baby communicationholiday boundaries with in lawshow to set family routines with toddlersdinner table routine for kidsscreen time boundaries for familieshow to be intentional as a parentnew dad podcast family valuesfatherhood podcast about family culture
This episode is for you.
HomeworkAsk each other this question and write it downWhat do we want our kids to say about our home in twenty years
Callouts• Send us one family value you are building right now and we will share favorites in a future episode• Join the Spit Up Society for weekly prompts, dad hacks, and community
 
 
family culture, family values, family traditions, new dad, fatherhood, marriage communication, dinner table routine, toddler routine, holiday boundaries, in laws, screen time boundaries, outdoor family time, intentional parenting

BONUS: We Built Something for You

Solo episode from John. Just two minutes. We built the thing we wish we'd had in the third trimester and I want to tell you about it. If your partner is anywhere between week 28 and 40 and you've been feeling like you're missing something you can't quite name, this one's for you.
 
Get the Dudela Prep Kit here
 
Or if that link does't work, type this url into your browser:
https://dudelaco.gumroad.com/l/dudela-prep-kit

Family Matters Part 3: Rhythms, Mission, & Building your family with John Mackey

Parents, in laws, and grandparents can be one of the biggest blessings in early parenthood. They can also be the biggest source of stress if expectations are unclear.
What does it actually look like to design your family on purpose and not just react to life?
In part three of our Family Matters series, John and Michael sit down with Josh Mackey, husband, dad of two daughters, and pastor in Denver, to talk about the rhythms, values, and mission that shape a family from the inside out. Josh brings both his own story as a dad and years of walking alongside other families through the hard stuff, and he does not hold back.
The conversation starts with the identity shift that hits you the moment you become a dad. Not just your schedule and your money, but who you are. How your kids are becoming like you whether you like it or not. And how that reality is either terrifying or one of the most motivating things you can hear.
Josh introduces one of the most practical tools we have heard yet. An acronym built on your family name where each letter stands for a value you actually want to live. Corny? Maybe. Powerful? Absolutely. His daughter already walks past the sign in their kitchen every day.
We also dig into Sabbath, not as a religious rule but as a rhythm of real renewal. The difference between vegging and actually being restored. How to protect a day for the things that fill you up, good food, good people, and yes, ice cream. And how that rhythm looks different in every season of life so you do not need to have it figured out before you start.
Then Josh brings the book Family on Mission into the conversation. There is a difference between having a family and a mission that compete with each other, making your family your mission and isolating them from the world, and doing family on mission where your kids are invited into your purpose and your work. They see what you actually do. They learn by watching you, not just by being told.
And we talk about failure. Because you are going to mess it up. The question is whether you model what it looks like to say you are sorry, to disagree without destroying each other, and to let your kids see that brokenness followed by forgiveness is not weakness. It is one of the greatest gifts you can give them.
Here is what we cover
Why becoming a dad is a more radical identity shift than even marriage
How your kids are learning from you by osmosis whether you are teaching them or not
The family name acronym tool Josh and Carissa built and how to make your own version
Sabbath as a rhythm of renewal versus vegging, and why it matters for your whole family
Why the goal is not hitting parenting benchmarks but building a vision for who you want to be
Family and mission competing versus family on mission together
Inviting your kids into your work and purpose and why we lost that after the industrial revolution
Why little consistent moments matter more than big surprise experiences
Modeling disagreement and repair so your kids learn what healthy conflict actually looks like
Why being the dad who says I am sorry is one of the most countercultural and powerful things you can do
A word for dads afraid of screwing up, you will, and that is okay
If you have ever searched how to build a family culture as a dad family values and mission christian family rhythms how to stop reacting and start leading your family how to set a vision for your family how to teach kids about conflict and forgiveness family on mission fatherhood identity shift new dad advice pastor advice for new dads family acronym values tool how to build family traditions with toddlers sabbath for families what does sabbath look like practically parenting and purpose how to invite kids into your work how to say sorry to your kids how to model healthy marriage for your children
This episode is for you.
Homework
Sit down with your spouse and ask: What does it mean to be the [your last name] family? Write down three values and see if you can make them stick to a word or phrase you will actually remember.
Try one intentional Sabbath this month. It does not have to be perfect. Just protect one day and fill it with the things that actually restore you.
Callouts
Send us your family acronym or value statement and we will share favorites in a future episode
Join the Spit Up Society for weekly prompts, dad hacks, and community
Tags: fatherhood, family values, family mission, family rhythms, sabbath for families, dad identity, christian fatherhood, family culture, how to lead your family, modeling forgiveness, healthy conflict in marriage, family on mission, new dad advice, parenting vision, family traditions, dad podcast, dudela

Becoming the Dad You Never Had

What happens when you grow up without a steady dad in the house, and you decide you are going to change the story for your kids:
In this episode of The Dudela Podcast, John and Michael sit down with Howie Hutchinson, a husband and dad of two in Denver, to talk about fatherhood after divorce, step parents, and rebuilding a relationship with your dad as an adult. Howie shares what it was like growing up mostly in a single parent home after his parents split, what he had to figure out on his own as a boy, and the pressure he carried for years to become the best dad possible.
This conversation is honest, hopeful, and full of practical wisdom. You will hear a powerful turning point moment when Howie told his dad that if their relationship stayed the same, he did not want to invest in a relationship between his dad and his future kids. What happened next surprised him, and it changed the direction of their relationship for the last fourteen years.
We talk about why presence matters most in the early years, why supporting your wife and building a healthy family unit is a gift to your kids, and how to avoid building your whole parenting identity in reaction to what you did not have. Howie also shares what his therapist wife taught him about grace, perspective, and the idea that maybe you got your dad’s best. It is a challenging thought, and it is freeing.
You will also hear practical ideas you can use right away, including a journal that goes back and forth between parent and child, plus a long term question every dad should ask. What do you want friendship with your kids to look like when they are adults, and what can you do today to build toward that
Here is what we cover• Growing up with a dad on the fringes and what you learn from peers instead• Divorce at nine and how it shapes a kid’s story about their father• Stepdad dynamics and what he wishes he had asked for sooner• The pressure to be the best dad and how to cool it on the pressure• A hard conversation with his dad one month before his first child was born• Rebuilding a relationship with your dad and being grateful for what you have now• Presence as a dad and why just being there matters more than you think• Supporting your wife and building a healthy family unit kids can trust• Parenting a son versus parenting a daughter and why dads shape confidence• Sliding door moments and choosing to step into connection• A back and forth journal habit that builds real relationship• How to have a million small conversations instead of one big talk
If you have ever searchedhow to be a present daddad advice for kids of divorcehealing father woundsrebuilding relationship with my dadgenerational trauma and parentinghow to be a better husband and fatherfather daughter relationship and confidencehow to raise a son without a dadstepdad relationship adviceparent child journal promptshow to talk to kids about sex earlyhave small conversations not one big talkfatherhood podcast for dads
This episode is for you.
 
fatherhood, present dad, generational healing, kids of divorce, rebuilding relationship with dad, marriage and parenting, father daughter relationship, raising sons, stepdad, family unit, dad pressure, parenting habits, parent child journal, small conversations, new dad podcast

Family Matters: Parents, In Laws, and Protecting Your New Family

Parents, in laws, and grandparents can be one of the biggest blessings in early parenthood. They can also be the biggest source of stress if expectations are unclear.
In part two of our Family Matters series, John and Michael talk about how to navigate family involvement during pregnancy, the hospital, and those first few weeks at home. We start with the good stuff. Date nights and babysitters you trust. The joy of multi generational moments. Watching grandparents light up with your baby. It is a short window in life and it is genuinely beautiful.
Then we get practical. You and your wife need a plan before the baby arrives. What do we want the first hours to look like. What do we want the hospital time to feel like. Do we want visitors right away or do we want space. When do we want family to come to the house. What kind of help do we actually want. Because if you do not set expectations, feelings get hurt fast even when everyone means well.
We also talk meal trains, how to make them actually helpful, and how to communicate that dropping food off is not always a visit. We share the small things that felt huge, notes and prayers, meals packaged to reheat, DoorDash credits, even groceries and premade oven meals. We also share one simple hack for out of town family visits. Come after you are home and settled, then use the help for real rest if they are willing.
Then we go there. As dads, you and your wife hold the keys to the grandparent role. That is uncomfortable to say, but it is true. Titles do not automatically equal access. Your kids are sponges, and if a relationship is unhealthy or values are being undermined, you have a responsibility to protect your family unit. We talk about how to think through that without being dramatic, how to communicate your strategy to family, and how to invite the village into the same playbook you are using, sleep, teething, routines, and safety standards that have changed since our parents raised kids.
Here is what we cover• Why this season is a rare multi generational window and why it matters • Date nights, babysitters, and the reality of leaving your toddler with someone new • Hospital expectations and why hour one can get tense fast • How to decide who visits, when, and what you want the first hours to feel like • Out of town family strategy, come after you are home and settled • The meal train rules that make it truly helpful, drop and go, not a dinner party • Meal ideas that actually serve new parents, reheatable portions, notes, DoorDash, groceries • Updating grandparents on modern safety, sleep sacks, no loose blankets, no stuffed animals in crib • Sharing your family playbook so grandparents can follow your routines without guessing • The truth, you hold the keys to the grandparent role and you can set limits when needed • Kids are sponges, why boundaries matter more than you think
If you have ever searchedhospital visitors after babywhen can grandparents visit newbornboundaries with in laws after babyhow to tell family no visitorsmeal train ideas for new parentsDoorDash meal train optionhow to communicate expectations with grandparentssafe sleep rules for grandparentssleep sack no blanket cribhow to set family boundaries as new parentsgrandparents undermining parentsprotecting family values as parentsfamily boundaries after having a baby
This episode is for you.
Callouts• Before baby comes, have this conversation with your spouse, what do we want the first hours, first week, and first month to look like • If you have a great meal train idea, send it to us and we will share favorites in a future episode • Join the Spit Up Society for weekly prompts, dad hacks, and community
Tags: in laws, grandparents, newborn boundaries, hospital visitors, meal train, postpartum support, new parents, family values, safe sleep, marriage communication, fatherhood podcast, new dad tips

When to Prioritize Yourself as a Dad

Mom and baby are healthy. But am I? A dad to be emailed us this question and it is one of the most common things no one talks about in the early months. Everyone asks how mom is doing and how baby is doing. Almost no one asks how dad is holding up. John and Michael unpack the mental side of new fatherhood, the tension of wanting to feel healthy again, and the question every new dad wrestles with. Is it selfish to prioritize myself right now.
This episode is practical and encouraging. We talk about how fatherhood rewrites your routine, why the goal is not getting your old life back, and how to build a new version that fits the season you are in. You will hear how tiny pockets of time can actually be enough, why the engine light feeling is a signal to reassess before burnout hits, and how communicating what you need to your partner is the opposite of selfish. It is leadership.
We also cover life giving habits for dads, what to do if your old hobbies no longer fit, and how to start with one anchor instead of trying to rebuild everything at once. From workouts that fit into real life, to new hobbies, to sleep strategies that buy your sanity back, this is a field guide for dads who want to show up steady for their family without running themselves into the ground.
In this episode• Why nobody asks how dad is doing and why that matters • The engine light moment and how to reassess before burnout • How fatherhood rewrites your routine and why you need a new one • The difference between being efficient and being restored • Small windows of time and how to use them well • Communicating needs with your partner and not dumping the load • Asking your wife what she needs too and why it builds trust • When old hobbies do not fit right now and how to adapt without quitting forever • Picking one anchor habit that gives you life and making it consistent • Building community so you are not doing this alone • Quick mentions of sleep help and the value of routines for kids and parents • Steady Dad cohort and why support matters when you feel stretched thin
If you have ever searcheddad burnoutnew dad mental healthis it selfish to take time for myself as a dadhow to support my postpartum wife and still be okayhow to build a routine with a newbornworkout routine for new dadshow to be a present dad without losing yourselfhow to communicate needs in marriage after babyhow to find community as a new dadhow to recharge as a father
This episode is for you.
Callouts• If you are feeling stretched thin, tell us what you are missing most from your old routine and we will share ideas and encouragement• Apply for the Steady Dad cohort on our site if you want a small group and a clear plan
 
new dad, fatherhood, dad mental health, dad burnout, routines for parents, marriage after baby, communication, newborn life, working parents, self care for dads, workout for dads, community for dads, Steady Dad

Traveling Dad: Work Trips, Dad Guilt, and Growth

Some dads live for the work trip. Some dads hate it. Most of us feel both at the exact same time. In this episode, John and Michael talk about the weird mix of freedom and guilt that hits the moment you close the hotel door. No bedtime. No monitor. No toys on the floor. And then out of nowhere you miss your kids more than you expected.
John shares his first extended trip away from the girls and what actually helped. Prepping food before leaving, setting clear expectations with Viv, and making daily FaceTime a nonnegotiable even if it is only five minutes. They get real about the moments that trigger resentment on both sides. The conference dinner photos while your spouse has poop on them. The missed souvenir. The sleep that is somehow worse even without a baby monitor because your dad brain is still listening for cries.
This episode is a practical guide for any dad who travels for work or needs a night away. How to communicate expectations before you go, how to show up from a distance, how to use tech like FaceTime and Marco Polo to stay present, and how to plan support so your partner is not carrying the whole load alone. If you have ever felt guilty for enjoying quiet time or frustrated that you cannot be in two places at once, you are not alone.
Here is what we cover
Why the first hotel room exhale feels amazing and then immediately painful
The baby monitor problem and when you actually stop using it
How fast the missing them feeling hits and why FaceTime makes it harder and sweeter
Setting expectations before you leave and why daily check ins matter even if they are short
Practical prep that helps your spouse meals, snacks, breakfasts, and a simple support plan
The community factor and why doing it alone is brutal and deserves respect
What to do when you miss an expectation and your partner is frustrated
How to respond without snapping and why seen, valued, and heard is the whole point
Ways to help from afar DoorDash, surprises, and being proactive during nap windows
Rapid fire alone time truths toilet time, sleep patterns, and the best part of being away
If you have ever searched
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This episode is for you.
Callouts
If you travel a lot for work, message us. We want your best tips and we may feature them in a future episode
If you have done deployments or long stretches away, we would love to learn from you on a future pod
Join the Spit Up Society for weekly prompts, dad hacks, and community support

How to Balance Work and a Newborn Without Losing Your Mind

It is the everyday reality for so many families. Two careers. One home full of little people and big needs. John and Michael share what the juggle really looks like in their house and the simple systems that keep the wheels on. From daycare drop offs and dinner triage to shared calendars, phone limits, and a weekly reset for marriage, this is honest help for working parents who want to show up at work and at home without burning out. Expect real stories, honest laughs, and practical ideas you can use tonight.
We talk packing the diaper bag the night before, the twenty minute tidy that actually gets done, and how to divide tasks without keeping score. We cover commute rituals that turn off work brain, quick weeknight meals, and the small routines that make mornings smoother. There is real talk about guilt, energy slumps, and how to step in when your partner can only give ten percent. Presence beats perfection. Small systems beat heroic sprints.
In this episode• Daycare prep that saves time bag, labels, and an always ready checklist• Morning and evening rhythms plus the twenty minute tidy• How to communicate needs without keeping score• Work boundaries that protect family time including simple phone rules• Meal planning for real life leftovers, sheet pan dinners, and one cook day• Shared calendars that reduce mental load and missed handoffs• Reading your partner’s day and stepping in with care not criticism• Cleaning as you go dishes, floors, and the playroom cycle• A weekly at home date night that does not need a sitter• Mindset for busy seasons permission to pause and reset
If you have ever searchedworking parents routinedaycare checklist for dadshow to balance work and family as a dadshared family calendar ideasquick weeknight dinners for parentsphone boundaries for home timehow to stop keeping score in marriageleaving work at workhow to feel less guilty as a working parent
This episode is for you.
Callouts• Try a Sunday Power Hour this week to start the week calm• Block a weekly at home date night and protect it like a meeting• Join the Spit Up Society for prompts, dad hacks, and community
working parents, daycare prep, morning routine, evening routine, twenty minute tidy, shared calendar, phone boundaries, weeknight dinners, marriage communication, mental load, work life balance dads, fatherhood podcast, new dad tips, presence over perfection, community for dads